I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
