White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
