His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
