Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
