If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
