i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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