so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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