Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
