This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
