I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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