why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
