you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
