Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
