Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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