If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
