thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
