when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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