just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
