Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
