chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
