Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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