i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
