never play flip cup with pint glasses
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
