I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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