I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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