I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Randomize
