You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
