Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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