Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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