if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
