come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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