i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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