I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
