you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
