I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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