Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
