You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
