sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
