he thought i was a dude.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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