I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
