So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
