I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
