You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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