apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
