Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
