I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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