if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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