Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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