The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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