Where did you get a picture of my penis
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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